errantechoes | (no subject)

Raylan stopped short, resisting two very different urges. The first and strongest was to move closer. He'd been dragged away from his meal and the sound of the marshal's pulse was too much to ignore. And the second was to step back and get back into his car, for very much the same reasons. "I just TOLD you why!"

Tim leaned a little closer, if only because he knew Raylan was hungry, and he knew Raylan could hear his pulse, maybe see it in his neck if his focused enough. Maybe it was a manipulative thing to do, but Tim didn't care. He wanted Raylan to bite him. Needed it, really, not unlike the way he needed a few drinks before bed. "I might believe that if it weren't for your sudden problem with our arrangement last week. I'm not an idiot, Raylan, I know this isn't just about not bein' able to get outta Harlan. Why are you tryin' so hard to fix somethin' that ain't even broken?"

But the moment the words came out of his mouth, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He didn't want to know why Raylan had a problem with feeding from him specifically; he was sure he wasn't gonna like the answer.

The moment Tim leaned closer, Raylan looked away from him. Very obviously looking at absolutely nothing on the ground somewhere to his right. His teeth ground together, at first seeming like wasn't even listening, in that I'll-do-whatever-the-hell-I-want he'd always done. Slowly, he shook his head, taking a slow step back. He needed distance to think clearly. To ignore every last beat of that all too familiar pulse. "Because..." he started slowly, finally looking back to Tim. He needed to pick his words very carefully. "It's getting harder each and every time. One of these days, something's gonna happen. Something neither of us can take back."

Tim leaned away again once Raylan stepped back, swallowing hard. He didn't like the feeling that was rising in his chest, especially since he couldn't seem to put a name to it. The explanation he was given was not necessarily what he thought it might be. It could be interpreted in a number of ways, and Tim couldn't quite pinpoint what part of It Raylan was actually referring too. His expression remained carefully blank as he searched Raylan's face. He didn't like making stabs in the dark, he liked knowing. Tim shook his head. "What part of it is gettin' harder?" For once, his voice wasn't accusatory or snarky or angry. It was genuine. He wanted to know.

Hands on his hips, Raylan tilted his head down, his hat obscuring his face. He wasn't trying to delay, he just couldn't settle on which part exactly that he meant. Because it wasn't just one part. It was all of it. Breaking it down into individual components that he could put into words that Tim could understand just wasn't happening. But he had to say something or else Tim would keep hounding him. "The part where I stop," he said finally, lifting his head enough to look at the deputy.

That made sense. And Tim hated that it made sense, because he could feel himself getting anxious and impatient and he needed something to curb over the weird needy feeling. He needed to be bit, wanted it to be Raylan, but he honestly wasn't sure how picky he'd be about that if he had to go too long without it. He wanted to look away when Raylan looked up at him, but he met his gaze instead. "You'll stop," he said, sounding sure. "I trust you."

But it was more than stopping the feeding. What he felt after, when he did pull back, he didn't want that to stop. But what that would mean, where that would go, he didn't want to think about it. At least if he fed for too long, he knew exactly what would happen. But that feeling he didn't know what to do with it. He stood there, lips pressed together, looking down again. He didn't say anything. What could he say? That he didn't trust himself? That it was getting harder to find reasons to stop? That if he didn't stop Tim would be his in a way he didn't even want to consider?

Tim was glad that Raylan wasn't looking at him, because it allowed Tim to close his eyes against this, against Raylan, to give himself a moment to breathe. He wanted to keep their arrangement, just keep doing what they'd been doing, because that had been working for Tim. Even if the entire thing meant more to him than it ever would to Raylan, that was fine, because that was what Tim had always expected anyway. But Raylan had his reservations, and Tim was tired of fighting for it.

He took a step back, looking at Raylan again. "Look, you do what you gotta do. If that means findin' somebody else to feed from, then do it. But what I said still stands. No whores or junkies. Don't kill anyone, don't turn anyone. And let me know when you've got somethin' useful."

There was something in what Tim said. It inspired dread and a tightness in his chest that he didn't want to think about. Because there WAS no one else. He wanted to make Tim understand, but when he tried to sort it out, all he could think about was the rush of Tim's pulse. It threatened to overwhelm him, drowning out his very thoughts. Before he could stop himself, one hand was pulling his hat off and the other wrapping around the back of Tim's neck, having closed the distance between them in the blink of an eye. He looked just like he did every time he was finally ready to bite, lips parted eyes downcast so Tim couldn't see how unnatural they were. But he didn't go for the throat. His fangs weren't even out. Instead, his lips crashed against Tim's lips. It was all he could do to stop himself from biting him again. Or so he told himself.

The speed that Raylan moved with was not something Tim was prepared for. It wasn't like he didn't know about vampire super speed, it was just that he didn't often see Raylan use it himself, especially not in such close proximity. Suddenly, Raylan was in front of him, touching him, and the quickness of it all made Tim tense, put him right on guard. For a second, he thought Raylan was going to bite him. But it was just a second, and then Raylan's mouth was coming down on his. That was the last thing he expected. He expected sudden nuclear warfare before he expected that. Part of him wanted to push Raylan away and tell him that wasn't fair, he couldn't just do that. But he found it was easier to lean lean into it instead, relocate his hands to the front of Raylan's shirt and kiss back. For a moment, it let him forget how much he needed the vampire's fangs in him.

But it didn't last long. Not nearly long enough, at least. Because it felt right, in all the ways it shouldn't. It matched up so well with that feeling he'd been trying to ignore, that warmth that settled in his chest after he'd fed on Tim. That feeling that was only partially attributed to the blood. When he finally broke the kiss, he didn't fully pull away. He pressed his lips into a thin line, his eyes squeezed shut. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? He'd done it to deflect the urge to bite Tim, or so he let himself believe. But now, he couldn't make himself pull away, fingers still on the back of the man's neck.

No, it didn't last nearly long enough for Tim's liking. He wanted to follow Raylan's lips when he broke the kiss, but didn't. His hands slid up to Raylan's neck and he kept his eyes closed, not moving any further, not saying anything right away. His heart was thumping hard in his chest and his lips felt stupidly tingly and it had been a long time since he just wanted to stand around and kiss somebody for forever. And he was aware of the fact that getting caught like this was far more compromising and dangerous than getting caught in almost any other situation, but he still didn't want to move. Finally, he opened his eyes, searched Raylan's face, and at risk of spooking him and making him back off, said his name quietly to get his attention and make him look.

Raylan was in no way calm. Someone who didn't know him might assume he was, but there was a tell-tale tension to him that spoke volumes of just how he felt despite his stillness. He ground his teeth together, at first stubbornly not look at Tim. Hearing his name, spoken so softly, stirred inside him that very same feeling he didn't know what to do with, that warmth in his chest. "I know," he said, rather gruffly as he forced himself to step back. He used adjusting his hat as an excuse to not have to look at Tim. "It was damn stupid."

Tim wasn't surprised when Raylan stepped back; he'd expected it. But it seemed like a dumb reaction considering Tim hadn't rejected him in any way, hadn't voiced or shown any disapproval. He'd kissed Raylan back. It wasn't like he didn't want it. But that wasn't where he'd been getting at, anyway. He stepped forward, right back into Raylan's personal space. "That wasn't what I meant," he said quietly. He dropped his gaze, unable to look at Raylan when he spoke again. "I need you to bite me." He was tired of pretending like it was about their best option when it was really about what Tim needed. Trying to manipulate and corner Raylan into it hadn't been working anyway. Asking was a last ditch effort.

That pulled a reaction for Raylan, more so than the subtle, added tension of having his space invaded. He lifted his head, far more quickly than he intended. Need, not want. He'd suspected it, but had tried to not think about it. "That's exactly why we shouldn't," he said, a note of warning entering his voice. But he wasn't backing away. He kept his hands at his sides, fists clenched tight. Because as much as he knew that it was a major warning sign, that made it even harder to resist.

Tim looked up when Raylan did. Any guard he'd had up previous had disappeared when Raylan fucking kissed him, and he didn't really have the capacity to build it back up right away. He looked at Raylan in the dark of the parking lot with wide eyes. He'd expected resistance, but that didn't mean he liked it. "Raylan...." He trailed off, not sure what else he wanted to say. Raylan was right, but he didn't care that he was right, he wanted it anyway. And he knew that if he didn't get it here, he was gonna get it somewhere else. He just wasn't sure how to convey that with his words. Finally, after looking away again, he said, "Please."

Before Raylan could stop himself, his hand wrapped around the back of Tim's neck again. He looked him over, eyes shifting as his gaze settled on the pulse point visible on the other's throat. He closed his eyes, brow furrowed as he willed himself to calm down. "Not here," he said finally, slowly opening his eyes, normal now. "Not outside," he clarified. No more hiding in dark alleys. If he was going to keep doing this, he couldn't do it like that anymore.

Tim relaxed immediately at Raylan's words and his touch, eyes slipping closed. He didn't even realize how tense he'd been from anticipation and need until he wasn't anymore. This was better than the alternative of seeking out a stranger, even if the proximity and Raylan's hand on the back of his neck made him want to lean forward just to be closer. He lifted his gaze again to look at Raylan. "Alright," he said, nodding. He'd do it Raylan's way so long as he got it.

Raylan knew this was wrong. He should flat out say no more, and start giving Tim the same treatment he'd been given himself. Laying down rules and the like. If Raylan couldn't go to Audrey's, then Tim couldn't go seeking out god knows what to bite him. Raylan at least needed it for his survival. "There's a little no-tell up the road. You can follow me." But he wasn't moving back to his car. He didn't even lower his hand.

Tim needed the bite to keep himself functioning the same way Raylan needed the blood for survival. Raylan trying to tell him he couldn't seek out someone else to give him what he needed wouldn't have done any good. It would've just made him go and do just that. Tim just nodded again, but he didn't move back either. He lifted a hand, fingers curling around Raylan's forearm. Maybe once they got there he wouldn't feel so helpless and vulnerable.

That would make Tim a raging hypocrite, but Raylan wasn't going to find out because he wasn't going to tell Tim not to go find someone else. It was when the other touched his arm that he became aware of the fact that they were both still standing there. So he finally lowered his arm. Without a word, he slipped away, heading around his car.

Edited 2015-03-04 00:43 (UTC)

Yeah, well, Tim was a raging hypocrite. There were worse things he could be. He exhaled slowly when Raylan finally moved away. Not being so close made it a little easier to breathe. He shut himself in his SUV, starting it and flipping on the radio before even buckling his seatbelt. The music gave him something else to focus on.

Raylan, however, sat in silence in his car for a moment before he started it. Just trying to regroup. But soon he was pulling back onto the road and headed for exactly where he'd said. He didn't so much as wait for Tim when he pulled up to the old, run down motel. He just went inside, and went about getting a room for the night.

Edited 2015-03-04 06:28 (UTC)

Once he got to the motel, Tim watched Raylan go inside, not moving right away. He still needed a moment to compartmentalize, so that's what he did. He took whatever feelings had surged to the surface when Raylan had kissed him and locked them away. He dealt with them the same way he'd learned to deal with the guilt and the dread and the fear when he was in the Rangers. Tim found a long time ago that he was good at exactly two things: shooting things and separating himself from his emotions. It was much easier to deal with the need for what they came here for when it wasn't being all muddled up with feelings.

It's something they both had in common. Sort of. It wasn't so much that Raylan separated himself from his feelings, though. It was more that he swallowed them. They weren't there to be dealt with later, once he was out of the situation. They were to be forced down and forgotten, never to be discussed, analyzed or acknowledged in any form. He'd done this before even starting his car. And now, he wasn't even thinking about it. That had business to take care of. That's why they were there. He walked out of the space that housed the front desk--it couldn't really be called a lobby--and headed for the room with his key in hand. An actual key attached to a plastic tab that bore the room number. He held it up so Tim could see he had it, but didn't so much as look in the direction of the SUV. He just headed for the room.